remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
