Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
