She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
