ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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