i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
