Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
