Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
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