remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
