I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
