The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
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