friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
