I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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