So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
