We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Randomize
