just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
