I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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