i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
