I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
My Higher Power is John Stamos
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
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