found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
