I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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