I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
