I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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