we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
