I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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