I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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