Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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