i think my mom watched the whole time
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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