you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
