you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Randomize
