her vagine was all disorganized.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
