What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
