he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
please come you make the beer taste better
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Randomize
