ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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