I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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