All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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