Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
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I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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