found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
