I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
