Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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