That's when you crack a 10am beer
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
did i walk over a car last night?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
