God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
