I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
