Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
handjob tips. give me some.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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