nut hugger
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Randomize
