apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
