Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
