i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
