well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
