He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
