If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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