Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
no more duck duck goose at the bar
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
