I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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