yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
