i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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